Dealing with stress and overwhelm (Weeknotes 12–22 October 2020)
In these weeknotes I’m reflecting on stress and overwhelm and strategies for overcoming them. It’s definitely been a theme for me over the last month and it seems to be a theme for a lot of other people too.
Work is super-duper busy, which I love, but sometimes it feels like a lot, and I can never quite do enough of what I want to. And then there’s the endless to-do list in my brain ranging from ‘buy the kids new wellies’ to ‘end prejudice and discrimination across the globe’ and ‘remove all plastics from the ocean’.
We’re constantly being fed (through myriad channels) news that’s bad and worrying. Not just bad, but big, complex, and beyond our control or ability to fix. It feels threatening. And often this is presented to us without any suggestion of what we could do to make things better. Plus there’s the constant uncertainty around coronavirus. So the risk of feeling of helpless and overwhelmed is pretty high.
Overwhelm usually makes itself known through things like:
- a sense of juggling lots of plates
- the constant fear you’re going to drop a plate and make a terrible mess on the floor
- feeling paralysed
- an inability to focus
- lack of motivation
- exhaustion but inability to sleep
- feeling emotionally depleted
- unable to engage or interact with the people who are closest to you
- the desire to run away and hide in a dark hole
- a sense of hopelessness
- feelings of anger and frustration but no outlet for those feelings
- thoughts like ‘I’m a failure’, ‘I’ll never be enough’, ‘I can’t do this’
It can sometimes be accompanied by depression or anxiety.
I don’t think overwhelm is just about too many jobs and things to remember and think about. It’s also tied up with our sense of purpose, mission and value as human beings.
Reducing stress and overwhelm
So how do we stop feeling overwhelmed by all the calls to action? How do we narrow down the scope and cut out the noise? How can we liberate ourselves from this burden? How can we achieve the things we want to, whilst maintaining our wellbeing and a healthy sense of self-worth and value?
Here are some things I’m trying, ranging from big things needing thought, to little practical things:
- Adding OneTab to my chrome browser — at the end of each day I click a button and all my tabs go into a list within OneTab. The next day I only click on (restore) the tabs I need for the particular task I’m working on, then they all go back into OneTab again — amazing!!
- Being more intentional about my email inbox at work — I found this helpful — Why Inbox Zero is Ruining Our Lives (Better Email Habits That Will Help You Save Time And Money)
- Using social media less and switching off notifications
- Muting notifications for work slack channels (except for my immediate team) and checking updates once a day
- Always asking for help — I would not have got anything significant done in the last few weeks without support and advice from a lot of people
- Ruthlessly prioritising
- Recognising what’s most important to me — values, people, causes — and forgetting the stuff that doesn’t align with these
- Saying no (or not saying yes)
- Accepting I am not enough on my own for the world’s brokenness — it is not mine to fix (not wholly anyway)
- Recognising that my daily small actions of care are important and significant
- Making my goals things that are within my control and power
- When I don’t know where to start or it all feels too big, I start small and start at the closest point to where I am
- Looking at others and learning from them
- Lightening the load by finding others with similar passions to work with on the thing
- Simplify things in the moment — focusing on 1 thing at a time and minimising distractions
- Having fun and relaxing — doing things force my brain to forget all the stuff for a while
- Talking to people about how I feel
- Telling myself I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have
- Remembering the role my faith has in all this striving and simplifying and re-focusing. When I spend time in prayer, it gives me strength, reminds me of my core values and how I am not alone
I’ve just realised the list above is a bit overwhelming in itself ! (facepalm)
Completing the stress cycle
Someone shared this podcast from Bréne Brown about burnout and I thought it was really interesting. Bréne interviewed Emily and Amelia Nagoski about their new book ‘Burnout’. They talk about stress and its impact on our bodies.
My key take-aways were:
- we can’t eliminate stressors in our lives
- stress is bad for our health
- we need to find ways to move through the stress and come out the other side — they call this ‘completing the stress cycle’
- completing the stress cycle is dealing with the residual feelings when you’ve been in a stressful situation — this stops the physical stress response which is really bad for health
- we have to find a better way to deal with the stressors or we’ll burn out
- the cure for burnout isn’t self-care — it’s about us looking after each other, caring for each other, protecting each others’ wellbeing
Their book mentions 7 ways you can ‘complete the stress cycle’, and we should find the ones that work best for us:
1. Physical movement
2. Breathing — long breaths
3. Positive social interaction — tells your body you are somewhere safe
4. Genuine laughter
5. Affection — like a 20 second hug, until you feel the stress leave your body
6. Crying it out
7. Creative expression
I’m going to give these a go! Someone at work shared laughter yoga with the team this week. I tried it and it really helped me relax!
Highlights of my last month
I find it so helpful reflecting on all the positive things over the last month. Highly recommend doing it! Here are some of mine…
The joys of my kids
My 7 year old reminded me of something really central, something that I am in danger of forgetting at times. She said to me “Mummy, do you remember that homeless man we drove past last year on the way to school? Well, I want to help more homeless people. We can give them some food. But I think we should also give them some money because the food won’t last and we should help them buy more. We should carry spare food around all the time in case we see a homeless person who needs it. And Mummy, it doesn’t matter if I’m late for school. Because the person is more important than school. The human being is the most important.” Oh my flippin heart.
And at the dinner table one evening, after I asked the kids for the bzillionth time to ‘keep eating’, my 4 year old saw me put my head in my hands and she said ‘Don’t worry Mummy, everything’s going to be OK. Come here and have a cuddle. I love you .’ And she leant over and wrapped her arms around me.
These are the little moments to cherish. The little moments that have great meaning and purpose.
Working with stakeholders
I’ve learnt a lot over the last few weeks about our stakeholders. Understanding their motivations, drivers, priorities, contexts, perspectives, challenges, pain points, expertise, success measures, values — that’s all so crucial. And if you haven’t got a grasp on that, working together on a thing won’t be as efficient as it could be.
As part of this, I’ve also been working with data and analytics more, looking for indications of user needs, journeys and pain points. I’ve asked colleagues for advice and support, which has been invaluable and I’m learning lots. This article landed in my inbox earlier this week which was great timing — Dos and don’ts for presenting data ethically.
Learnings, connection and inspiration
Other highlights of my last 4 weeks have been:
- interactions with my team-mates — always enjoyable, uplifting and supportive
- our team check-ins on slack first thing each morning — it’s nice to hear how everyone’s doing and make a small connection
- learning some things about inclusion in the workplace through webinars by Pearn:Kandola
- a Q&A on ‘Women and Power’ with Mary Beard organised by our women’s network at work — really inspirational
- doing a FutureLearn course on Anxiety, Depression and CBT — very worthwhile
- Coldplay’s album ‘Everyday Life’ — what a lifesaver
- The Playbook: a coach’s rules for life on Netflix — some great leadership and life advice!
- Black history month readings and viewings — still have lots on my to-do list
- watching our resident black squirrels running up and down the garden on their nut hunting missions
- Listening to robins singing
- Shiny brown chestnuts littering the ground
- All the trees where I live — autumn colour delights
- Cycling in the rain down muddy lanes
That’s it. I’ll leave you with this incredible piece from Coldplay :-)